Thoughts

I dont know where to start. I'm somewhere that feels like home, and I have to go back to a place that doesnt. People that Ive become close with over the past three years are HERE!! Why would I go back to a place where I feel unwanted and like Ive overstayed my welcome? When one part of my life seems to go right, the other part drifts further in the wrong direction. Its like polar opposites. Tired of the drama back in that place. I wanna be able to relax, go out sometimes and actually have fun. I wonder what would happen if some things happened differently in my life... I can only wonder and imagine what would've happened but in reality Im grateful for everything that has happened in my past because it has made me the strong, intelligent, and determined young lady that I am. I have learned how to back bounce fast and to fend for myself. Which may be a bad thing at times, because I tend to not let anyone help me even if I need it. I have a huge problem of opening up to others, but that has been something that I'm working on. It seems as if every relationship that I have ends up on bad terms, well not all but most. I was talking about this earlier with someone but men tend to see me as "one of the guys" and that can be a bad thing because that makes me undateable to most. Im just rambling on and on and this isnt even touching the surface of my thoughts. My mind is constantly in overdrive and its hard to put them down or say them all. I think Im going to the beach now to clear my head