Close To Home

Okay, now Im looking at Illegal Tender and this movie reminds me of so much that is going on right now. Its about this drug dealer whose people turns on him and kills him when his wife is giving birth to his son. 20 years later, the man who ordered the hit seeks to kill his wife n sons. The boy seeks revenge because they wont stop coming until his family is dead. Now I know that I posted a blog earlier about Sean. Well this movie kind of hit close to home because I can see that this could be his son's future because the men who shot Sean will see his son as a threat. Sean was a well known gang member in Compton and if his son isnt brought up by the right people he could go down the same path that his father did. I know neither me nor his aunt could deal with that. We still cant believe that Sean is slipping away from us but his son would be just too much too bear. Hell, Sean dying is a lot to bear. It's a good movie but it just reminded me of what could be.

MY Breakthrough

Lately, I have been through a lot and I thought that my world was going to end plenty of times. But now I see that it will not. As of sometime this week, he has officially moved out. At first, I thought that I would be so miserable. I must admit that I miss having him cuddled up with me at night time, cooking together and just going out and doing things together. Also with him leaving comes the feeling that all the stress, tension, and grief I was causing myself has been lifted. Im not sayin that this is going to be easy at all. But knowing what I know and just having the support of my friends and some family is all I need. You guys is what have helped me so much and I must say thank you. I truly appreciate you guys being there for me.

Just because we have split and are getting a divorce doesnt mean that I hate him or anything of that sort. I am still in love with him and he knows that, but I have realized that it wasnt our time to be together and some of the things he have said makes complete sense. I understand him wanting to get out now because he knows that the way he is now, that all he would do is ending up hurting me in the end and it would possibly lead to me hating him. Which I hate no one but those were his words. We are still friends and I will still hang out and do whatever with him. We have a bond that no one can break. We have been through two deployments(even though I came in at the last few months of the first one), a miscarriage, people doubting us 100%. We made it to a year and some months. No marriage is perfect and every relationship has their problems and if you dont then ya'll need some serious help. I can admit that for awhile I hid my pain and heartbreak with a smile and laughs. There were those that witnessed my breakdowns and Lord knows that they werent pretty.

As of right now,Im feeling pretty good. I have accepted that it wasnt the right time but maybe another time, another place and it would be perfect. I can still remain his friend even though we have been through hell. True love never dies, whether we're lovers, soul mates, or friends. I have overcame many things in my life and this was just another stepping stone. It has only made me stronger than what I already was. I am looking forward to what the future has in store for me whether it be him or someone else. Terry, you will always have a special place in my heart and thanks for always being there.