Sunday, September 12, 2010
Over the past few days I have been at what seems to be my lowest point. When things were actually starting to look up, it never fails that something always seems to go wrong. I mean I dont know why I was so surprised when this happened cause if they'll do it once then they'll do it again. But this time it was different... It wasn't only me that was put out, they kicked out my sister as well..Thats what hurt me more than anything... I knew that they didnt care for me like that but you kick out the one who u claim to never do like that and all over MONEY... something that doesnt mean nothing when you dont have people surrounding you who loves you... Thats what happens when you take ya wife's side over ya children.... I could care less about them putting me out cause they done it before when I wouldn't put up with all that goes on in that house... It's only so much one can take before you just start to pull away... If you read my last blog then you know what Im talking about... Now Im temporarily staying with my sister and her kids, which I know she doesnt mind doing it but she has to worry about her own family more or less taking on two other people... My sister leaves for school in November so at least she will be doing what she wanted... hopefully by then I'll have a place of my own or something cause I really dont feel right being here when I know she has her own family to worry about and take care of... At least I try to buy our food and take off as much strain and pressure off her as I can by taking care of the two of us. but even that gets the best of me cause its so much that u cant give my sister, and me being a full-time student myself and not having a steady job is really hard on me... Yes, my little sister is 18 but she knows nothing about being on her own... I've done it already so Im good, I had just got myself to the point where I got myself kind of where I wanted to be and now this has knocked me all the way down back to square one... I know they say that God never gives you more than you can bare but I really dont think that I can deal with anything else... I've had so much pain, heartbreak, and everything one could possibly think of... I started questioning whether or not this is punishment or something or if God really loves me cause I've been going through hell for the past few years and everytime I seem to find a little relief nothing seems to workout... I'm just tired of it all and just want to throw in the towel but something inside just wont let me but honestly I truly feel as if there is just the slightest thing else that goes wrong I will literally break down and wont be able to get back up again..
