Some thoughts

It’s 4 in the morning and I’m wide awake. I sit and think about the events that have occurred over the past few days. I can’t believe it, well wait let me take that back… I can!! For some reason I always expect stuff like this to happen, its happened all my life, so why stop now. Even with everything that has happened up til this point in my life its still something inside of me that won’t let me stop to think that this is what I deserve. I know that I deserve better and one day I might just find that one who will be my everything and treat me how I should be treated and more. It’s funny cause when you think that you have someone like that and then they turn out to be so different. I wouldn’t say that they got to that point all on their own, but its easier to go along with what’s familiar and easier access than to go along with something that one would be uncertain about what would happen. I get that but when I get told one thing and then the next day it’s a whole different story that’s BS… I mean I cant be mad cause we weren’t dating just friends whose relationship seemed to grow somehow, but still it kind of hurts. If it were me in that situation (which I have been in) I don’t know what I would’ve done. I can understand not wanting to hurt the other’s feelings but either way someone is going to get hurt through the lies and deceit, so why not be upfront about it? I guess that’s what gets me… no one means to hurt anyone but they do it anyway cause they don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings… I’d rather someone be straight up about it with me, so I would know where I stand and I could move the fuck on… But it’s life and it doesn’t work like that all the time, but imagine if it did. One day these blogs will be of more happier spirits… when I am in a good mood I don’t tend to  write as much as I do when I have a lot of things on my mind. I’m no longer confused, I chalked it up as a lost and have to keep it moving… who knows what will happen in the future, but while I’m making my way there, I will continue to work on myself and do what I have to do in order for me to be a better person all around.